Story telling has been passed down through the ages from generation to generation. It is a way to pass down heritage, language, oral history, religion and explanations for the yet unexplained. It should be no surprise to us then that we are all master story tellers. We may no longer sit around a fire and look to the elders in our community for this ritual, but it still happens. When we are sharing our history or culture with our children, it can be a very rewarding and rich experience for all involved. But what happens when it is the ‘other’ stories that we are telling?
We all have them. You know the ones I mean. They are the stories that we tell ourselves about a situation or condition when we feel: Well that is always how it’s been. Think about it for a minute. It can be work related: My work is never recognized. I am always overlooked. I am sure I will never get that promotion, my boss doesn’t like me. Family or relationship related: My kids don’t ever do what I ask them. My spouse doesn’t listen to me. What about the stories we tell ourselves about our self?
We carry on with our lives as though the stories that we tell are true. In reality there is usually something else at play that we have not brought into our consciousness yet. When we go through our day, living in our stories, we filter others words through that system that we have in place. This leaves room for a lot of misunderstandings. Remembering that no two people will ever share the same experience exactly the same way, how do you start to identify your filters?
The first step is noticing what you are hearing.
Are you really hearing what someone is saying, or filtering it through your own interpretation? Are you making assumptions and filling in gaps of information to create a story about what is happening? Our brain is a master at filling in gaps of information. There is nothing wrong with that, but keep in mind that our brain works off of what it knows already and not what it doesn’t know or hasn’t experienced yet.
When we work on ‘auto-pilot’ we will make assumptions based off of what we already know or are familiar with. The assumptions we make this way can have nothing to do with the situation or person that is involved. Think of a time when we are quite sure that someone has been intentionally rude or hurtful. It might be fair to say sometimes that they had no idea they had been that way. Over the long term, this can be damaging to our relationships. Our emotions that result in painful experiences can often have a deep rooted cause that we have long buried into our sub-consciousness. Each time we do that we leave our selves open to create another filter in which to hear and view our life through. Yet another story to tell.
The ways around that are to raise our awareness and consciously ask questions about what we are experiencing. When we ask thoughtful questions we are opening up an opportunity to learn something different and as a result possibly a different way of being. Think about some of the assumptions you are holding or the stories you are telling. What is the impact? How does this affect your interactions with someone? Have you ever tried to have your assumptions confirmed or denied?
We all have an obligation as participants in this game called life to be mindful of our own impact.
Part of that responsibility is to be aware of our own assumptions and the impact we are having on those around us. This alone will cause a shift in your thinking and the way you experience life. It takes you from, that is just the way it’s always been, to being at choice in how you respond. It is time to turn off the auto-pilot, no more cruise control. This is your adventure, your life! Being a mindful captain of your ship allows you to navigate the waters with fresh eyes and ears. You are going to have some great sea stories to share anyway! Wouldn’t it be best if they were fresh ones rather than same old?
If you would like to comment or talk more about this, please drop me a line. I am always happy to hear from you.
